JOKES

Drinking and Golf

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

November 6, 2018

The ANT 
AND THE 
GRASSHOPPER 

This one is a little different.... 
Two Different Versions ... 
Two Different Morals

OLD VERSION   The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:  Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION  The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving..

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN,  and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper 
next to a video of the ant in his comfortablehome with a table filled with food. 
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so.
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah 
with the grasshopper and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green ...'Occupy the Anthill stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film theBlack Lives Matter group singing, We shall overcome.Then Reverend Al Sharpton  has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper 
while he damns the ants. He later appears on MSNBC to complain that rich people do not care.

Former President Obama condemns the ant 
and blames 
Donald Trump, President Bush 43, President Bush 41, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the 
Pope 
for the grasshopper's 
plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Chuck Schumer 
exclaim in an interview on The View
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the 
grasshopper ,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity & 
Anti-Grasshopper Act 
retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and, having; nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar and given to the grasshopper .

The story ends as we see the grasshopper 
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.  The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.  The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses bringing the rest
of the free world with it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Be careful how you vote in 2018.

 

November 5, 2018